i've been having this recurrent and to me perplexing dream of coming awake finding myself deep into the act of eating burnt caramel ice cream or some other dessert, something so decadent and rich in its nightime sleepland creation that i can not only still taste it, i can confirm in myself a true detachment from any desire for those kinds of overly saturated short gain deep gouge pleasures. anyway i come to awareness eating this ice cream and realize to my horror that my actions are giving death an edge by feeding the cancer inside me. i enter this dual state where i think i've doomed myself, so what's the point anyway, might as well eat the ice cream... but since i'm also having the dream, i start influencing its course, i'm the awareness that understands i'm being spoken to directly about being able to practice the art of refraining.
for weeks i've been tormenting myself thinking the message was dietary, driving myself nuts (pun intended) but after exhaustive research and experimentation i finally realized the ice cream of my dream isn't in my diet at all.
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