update

one drain just out, the second to follow on Christmas Day...

I will be fully updating my accounts here once I'm back to my office... tapping out posts on a phone is too tedious for me at the moment. I expect to be back at work Monday 6 January... my recovery continues to outpace the average thanks to homeopathy and divinely-inspired movement work... I say divinely-inspired as I long ago turned controls over from brain to body intuition, the portal for grace in our lives... listening to the body has become my main passion and the adventure of a lifetime... 

more soon, happy holidays, remember to put the accent on what you can give, what opens the heart, and forget about the rest... :)

new ideas...

"With three major papers in three major journals after my first year of research, I felt I'd arrived. The world has a way of cutting you down to size, however, and in the science game the method is known as citation. No matter how important your paper is, it doesn't mean anything unless it's cited as a reference in new papers by others and you get a respectable number of requests for reprints. On both counts, I was a failure. I was learning how science treats new ideas that conflict with old ones." [Robert O. Becker, The Body Electric]

I've been blessed by beautiful workmanship...!

tremendous success!!!

my godsend of a surgeon did a simply fabulous job, this little community hospital was spot on every step of the way...! I was on my feet after only a few hours, surprising the nurses, thank arnica and a positive attitude for that. now is time for lots of rest, gentle but persistent physio, and a recharge of my batteries for a wonderful new year ahead!!!! 

early bird...

just got the call, my little design modification is scheduled for 630a tomorrow... I'm dosing on arnica pre and post and will be eager to return to Toronto as soon as I'm able to resume the last of the hyperbaric and IV supports I have left on my tab, and to do more green juice fasting for the first few weeks... onwards! :)

angels!

I found a surgeon tucked away in small town Ontario who speaks my language and put an entirely different spin on my surgical prognosis... as I suspected I was being presented with fear-spin in order to make my compliance with chemo mafioso more likely... I'm having the operation tomorrow, so excited!!!! victory boing-boing-boing!!!!!!

update...

white team found my CT scan, to their surprise, clear. except for the massive tumour in my breast and a lymph node. this cancer is known to aggressively spread from its first location but my body is holding it off quite spectacularly. what they call a reprieve i call a lot of hard work against many forms of opposition, a minor miracle that's also eating my heart out. they reacted in restrained disbelief that I would seek surgery at this point as it would be very risky for nonhealing, create a large wound and involve a skin graft. the pinhole drain on the breast healed over last night and I felt a day of rest was in order for it. it continued to swell during the day and by the time I got to hospital it was quite enlarged again, looking like a massive tumour... I reiterated a few times that what was presenting here was at least a third fluid... they weren't buying it. the oncologist made chemo treatment sound like a temporary inconvenience limited to a few bad days a week. I explained I wasn't avoiding chemo because I'm afraid of the profound secondary effects, the whole interventionist notion of interfering with and suppressing symptoms instead of cultivating natural laws makes zero sense to me. I'm going out of town tomorrow to consult green team surgeon, see what he has to tell me.

tests...

bone scan came back all clear which means I'm still beating the odds on this cancer's spread. today I have a CT scan and consult with white team who wish to urgently persuade me again that chemo and radiation are necessary before any surgical intervention.... I'm always open to their presentations and still determined to travel tomorrow to see what green team surgeon has to say.... and if things look good, I'm going for it... have stopped taking pain meds altogether... :)

great news...

the breast continues to drain more than it replenishes and I've been successful in keeping the work of caring for it sterile, comfortable and infection-free.... I haven't even taken a damnable painkiller yet today which is such a relief... it has collapsed to the degree you can't tell I have an affected breast at all anymore!

but the best part, the general surgeon out of town has looked at my charts and agreed to see me on Friday at noon... all things being equal he will operate that night or on the weekend... this is music to my ears!!! the less time I have to run the risk of critical infection, the better... part of me still wants to see how much farther I can neutralize this cancer on my own, but so far I've kept it from brain, bone, or lung and this is a distinct advantage.... and if I play my cards right post-op I can wipe out what remains after surgery and achieve my ambition... a return to health governed by natural laws and minimum intervention... onwards!!! 

healing...

the reason I've chosen to allow a natural drain to form when a surgical one was denied me, if you look at surgical episiotomies versus natural tears you'll see wide variance in healing time and scarification or other complications with the natural tear far superior in outcome compared with the surgical intervention... this fact is often used in other procedures where manual tears are used in lieu of incisions.

busy bee...

on the basis that I've been a restless busy bee, irritable with the less active and experiencing the typical Apis swellings of the eyes, face and this seroma in the breast, I've taken a dose of 6c Apis (that's a low potency)... Apis is also on my constitutional tree as an infant. having dosed I can do my movement practice without any discomfort so far and I haven't taken any painkillers yet today... :) it's during my mat work that I can enjoy how much the breast has reduced... where it was an obstruction I have freedom again... amazing!

thanks for the drain...

doing at home what the surgeons wouldn't try since they didn't believe the ultrasound... from my report this morning to green team... "the breast stopped draining a few hours after we spoke yesterday and partially refilled w fluid overnight so this morning reapplied cabbage leaves and it started to drain again almost immediately... manually expressed as much as could be painlessly squeezed out, more than 2 cups worth... no pain really but my left under eye was puffy translucent and swollen where the sinus is when I woke up...."

there is no evidence of anything being attached to the chest wall and the breast is almost half the size it used to be with the one spot of hard mass clearly distinguished from the rest of the soft drained tissues... the colour looks good and I feel relief but I'm not entirely comfortable with my risk of secondary infection... made more phone calls and hoping for headway. if not, I'll just have to keep making my own way under adverse conditions and without complaint... MANTRA: everything that's happening is helping me take the road most suited to learning and healing....!

waters have broken...

after getting politely shut out of all three main hospitals I approached for surgical relief of local symptoms on account of my position on chemo, I decided this is a good thing... all through this I've taken position that body knows best when it comes to healing... the breast is already hugely reduced with all the serous fluid that's drained once it finally broke through earlier today... I'm keeping vigilant with sterile protocols, hot compresses, cabbage leaves and diluted hydrogen peroxide sprays... I will get ozone and hyperbaric once the acute phase of the drain is over... I remain optimistic I will get the surgery I need if I really need it... certainly they won't be able to argue that its too large a mass to proceed in spite of my insistence this was at least half fluid... 

Lao-tzu...

"As the soft yield of water cleaves obstinate stone,

So to yield with life solves the insoluble.

It is said, 'There's a way where there's a will,'

But let life ripen and then fall,

Will is not the way at all:

Deny the way of life and you are dead."