the neurotic content of our mind dominates, especially on those occasions when we think ourselves above or in control of our unconscious. truth is, we never _ever_ encounter objective facts in the world, this in spite of the hubris of all scientific methods. we encounter instead the illusions we spin but forget our hand in, the expectations we're hardlocked into but deny of ourselves, the delusions we've lost touch with but once spawned in the mist and orphaned in time.
to the extent that these subtle organizing agents of the small self dominate our perception, the world of phenomena, in all its irrational and impossible to predict mysteries, will arise to match our skew on vision point for point. as jung said, the objective of neurosis is to prove itself true.
the most telling investigative device for the conscientious researcher is to watch how chance circumstance organizes around you when you enter the circle of influence and interested gaze of another. how things dispose by context, what rises to the surface as wardrobe for the encounter, these tell you everything you need to know about how the other person needs to see you, how they need to see themselves when they're with you, how you need to see the other person, and the role you feel compelled to play in the dynamic. if the projection is strong, there will be nothing you can do to offset the arrangement of 'facts' that suit the distortions. in fact, the more you struggle to assert your own truth against that of a projection, the more you become ensnared in a web of appearances.
when the projections serve our idealizations, we fall in love. when they serve our fears, we fall in hate. the aim of inner work and outer yoga is to get wise to the game of the unconscious and to arrive at constantly improving judgement about who to dance with in the veil of illusions, and who to leave twisting in the wind with their script and moviemaking. this applies to ourselves more than the other, since we can only ever take responsibility for our own projections. and if you feel unfairly viewed by the world around you, the question then becomes, what does this serve?
in the end, have the courage to be open to those encounters robust enough to handle the burlesque peeling away of veils. but also have the strength to leave those where the web is too thick and sticky to allow for movement and growth. friendships are like muscle tests. some make you stronger, some make you weaker. choose wisely, enjoy your mistakes, don't give a shit for consistency or fear the trials of finding your own voice and values. authenticity and honest inquiry are the best companions.