fasting begins tomorrow...

starting tomorrow i'll be following a green juice fast for a minimum 30 days, preferably 60 days if i can manage it, supplemented with my teas and three times daily hydrogen peroxide water in an increasing dosage until i get to 25 drops of 35% food grade H202 per glass.

i'm a huge fan of liposomal vitamin C but the cost has been prohibitive. only two days ago american osteopath dr. mercola of mercola.com came out with an affordable version of this technology so i've ordered some and will be keen to start taking it. i'll be continuing forward with a maca supplement so that i can have best chances to keep to my yoga practice even through the fasting. i consider it great fortune that i'll be able to fast during hot summer months.

eating the poison snake...

my doctor called me early this morning to confirm what i suspected, that i have a cancerous tumour surrounded by cystic structures, which explains why it presented so strongly as a cyst in the very beginning. i will be on a fast track to an oncologist at princess margaret hospital where arrangements will be made for a lumpectomy. i reported to my doctor that he should not be surprised to hear that i will refuse chemo and radiation. he said that often, particularly in cases where the cancer has not spread, or metastasized, to other parts of the body, a lumpectomy is often successful treatment on its own.

the wonder of all this is that, for someone with cancer, i'm doing very well, feeling good, and carrying forward with a strong positive attitude, even in the face of the inconvertibility of this diagnosis. part of me would like to avoid the lumpectomy and work with the mass in order to gauge the effectiveness of the ketogenic diet, but given the aggressive growth of tumour and the additional complexities involved once a cancer has spread to other organs, i think it will be a sufficient challenge to use the ketogenic diet and the other protocols to prevent the spread or recurrence of the 'disease...'

if the cancer has already invaded other organ systems, i will still have an opportunity to defy the odds with holistic methods as there is ample evidence, anecdotally and clinically, of people healing this condition with true hippocratic strategies even in even late and so-called 'hopeless' stages of the illness.

last night i dreamt that i had a few cats and one of them caught a small and thin black snake that looked almost to be made of crude oil tar. we knew it was poisonous. the cat, which reminded me of a runt cat i once made a home for called pushkin, pounced on the tiny snake and promptly ate it. the dreamer told me that it did this to protect the other cats. i nuzzled with it for a few seconds and could feel the poison pulsing through its nervous system. then it got up and walked away from me as cats do when its time for their passing.

i've been aware for some time now that the part of me that has been stunted and handicapped by my early life needs to be laid to rest so that i can start a new, more effective chapter. this presentation of cancer is a magical opportunity for me to do just that.

all medicine people go through an ordeal, a dark night of the soul, an encounter with death and risk. it ends up being the cornerstone experience that teaches us about human potential, sparks our regenerative powers and compassionate awareness of others. i embrace this cancer for the teaching and transformation it promises and feel newly committed to midwifing my talents, mind and ingenuity not only for my own benefit, but in order to make the contribution to culture and community that so satisfies our human instinct of connection and evolution.

AMOR FATI

a new journey begins...

a short time after i quit drinking alcohol, coffee, and smoking pot, alongside some radical dietary changes and the protocols of a long-term candida cleanse, i discovered a sizeable lump in my right breast. it behaved and palpated like a cyst and seemed a predictable healing reaction to the sudden changes. perhaps, too, a reflection of the load my liver was carrying in metabolizing the detox, throwing my hormones out of alignment, producing a fibrocystic breast. when i saw a medical doctor a month later for a routine physical and mentioned the cyst, he examined me and concurred that in every way it felt and presented like a cyst and offered to aspirate it for me. i thought this was a good choice since the aspirant could be immediately analyzed. a normal cyst would present a clear, serous fluid that wouldn't even need be sent to the lab. blood, on the other hand, would warrant further investigation.

while the doctor prepared the syringe for me, i mentioned a dream from over ten years ago, that depicted a mass in this same location. in the dream a felt a deep need to manually express the contents and all this old blood and pus came out. i didn't elaborate on the rich psychological associations this dream brings up that are especially germaine to me at the moment, i just left it as a curiosity. he inserted the syringe and began to aspirate the mass. i couldn't see the syringe myself but i did note that he moved his insertion point a few times as if not getting into the lumen he imagined was there. he abruptly ended his efforts and showed me the vial which was a quarter full of blood. he explained that this could just be a result of a highly nodular cyst, that he might have been repeatedly hitting the structure of it, but i could tell he was somewhat shaken, either by the synchrony of my dream or the reversal of his clinical expectations.

we scheduled an ultrasound but not a mamogram, as an ultrasound will be able to tell us conclusively whether it is a cyst or not. the results of the procedure, which i underwent yesterday, will be known in full next week. at minimum, i know from the sonographer that its definitely not a simple cyst, but in fact a complex mass with its own vascular supply.

in this period of preemptive mastectomies and killer chemo and radiation protocols, i feel i've been gifted by my body with a wonderful opportunity. on the one had, it's having a conversation with me about the deeper issues in my life that need attention and transformation. on the other, i've been blessed with a keen intuition that started me on the path of healing before the mass in my breast presented itself. frankly, i'm excited to use my own situation as a living laboratory where i can apply the holistic insight and commitment to natural medicines that means so much to me.

until next week when i will receive more information i've adjusted my diet to a strict ketogenic one which emphasizes greens and organic proteins alongside green juicing and a rigorous practice of hot yoga. i'm hydrating with liters of pau d'arco and chaga tea, taking maca to normalize my hormones and keep my energy and stamina up, and supplementing my vitamin C and D, but otherwise keeping things pretty simple. the ketogenic diet with soon start to deprive the cell mass of its glucose needs and unlike healthy cells which can switch to fat supplies for sustenance, apoptosis will dominate and i expect the mass to slowly reduce in size.

as finances are an issue, not only for me but for so many people, i won't have recourse to other practitioners and so will have to develop a strong self-reliance and an ability to be resourceful and positive with the tools i have. luckily, since i quit drinking a few months ago i've been feeling healthier and stronger than ever. this foundation will serve me well in the coming months as i embrace this opportunity to heal this unitary bodymind i currently call home... as i have always felt, the physical organism that we are is not an enemy who attacks us unexpectedly... it's a creative, constructive phenomenon which, when worked _with_ instead of worked _against_, presents unlimited potential for evolution and transformation.

since sharing and narrating is an important part of the healing process, i'll be journalling my experiences and how i'm managing my care on this blog...

at last! absolutely clear and compelling evidence that cancer relies on glucose fermentation for its invasive proliferations and that this can be managed and reversed by exploiting the ability of healthy cells to use the ketone cycle instead of the glucose cycle... by simple calorie reduction, eliminating carbohydrates and emphasizing healthy fats, proteins and greens alongside non-toxic drugs which support the dominance of ketone, cancer can be cured without recourse to treatments that are worse than the disease, pollute the environment and kill millions...

"The new approach to health care will feature the healing power of story. In the clear understanding that finding meaning in any life passage may be at the heart of healing, our healers will help people use the power of dreaming to move beyond personal history into a bigger story that contains the juice and sense of purpose to get them through." [Robert Moss, The Secret History of Dreaming]

"If our society were serious about cutting the costs of medical care, dreamwork would be taught and practiced in every school, community center, and clinic. Dreams supply nightly health reports that are as precise and objective, when accurately recorded, as any X ray or EEG and may be far more timely, since they reveal problems that could result in physical illness before we develop physical complaints." [Robert Moss, Conscious Dreaming]

a vision for canada... how to address the legacy of the harpoon government

on the one hand i think we have to accept the value of transitional measures, to understand that while we work to reconstitute civic participation and the values that define this country at the level of law and idea, we'll have to venture and discard, venture and discard, while we work to dismantle the power duology of corporatism, installing in its place social and cultural systems that honour our resources, educate the willing, and enable local address of community issues...

on the other hand, we also need to recognize the power of en masse walkouts... opting out of the majorly shit way things have been constellated and instead just getting on with creating our own solutions to the rampant abuses, the crimes against the vulnerable and the environment, our enslavement to ways of life that keep us disempowered and ignorant, not to mention our distinctly unhealthy and out of balance ideologies of consumption and short-term, greedy willfulness...

we also have to bite off that we can't put power into the hands of a population that has been conditioned by a poisoned society/leadership to think the world doesn't need to change, that we can carry forward with this way of life and even benefit from it. we need our visionaries in their many domains and specializations to have the courage to start the conversation the average person is too cowed and bewildered to even contemplate.

in this way, the issue would become the exchange and debate of meritorious ideas, the best and most comprehensive of which coming to be widely disseminated, rather than being beholden to people in power, begging them to change our world for us. this can be done one neighbourhood at a time. in fact its extremely important to make our search for a better life function at the local level in a super spontaneous way, as the solutions that will spark sustainable goodness and prosperity in red deer will be radically different than those which might revitalize st. john's...

with the immediacy of networking technology at our disposals, one can dream of a day when this idea of turning our backs in mass coordination, shunning the old ways, one locale at a time, will spread like wild fire until the entire country has finally taken control back, leading instead with the abundant ingenuity and problem-solving skills of a people who owe their allegiance not to the harpoons of the world, but to the earth which sustains us and deserves our respect; the freedom and possibility to do good and thrive at the same time, which was once the spiritual charter of this country; and new articulated formats for living amongst one another without fear, and most importantly, without being enslaved to the ignorance and illusions our power prophets would willingly finish us off with...