Thursday, May 30, 2013

a new journey begins...

a short time after i quit drinking alcohol, coffee, and smoking pot, alongside some radical dietary changes and the protocols of a long-term candida cleanse, i discovered a sizeable lump in my right breast. it behaved and palpated like a cyst and seemed a predictable healing reaction to the sudden changes. perhaps, too, a reflection of the load my liver was carrying in metabolizing the detox, throwing my hormones out of alignment, producing a fibrocystic breast. when i saw a medical doctor a month later for a routine physical and mentioned the cyst, he examined me and concurred that in every way it felt and presented like a cyst and offered to aspirate it for me. i thought this was a good choice since the aspirant could be immediately analyzed. a normal cyst would present a clear, serous fluid that wouldn't even need be sent to the lab. blood, on the other hand, would warrant further investigation.

while the doctor prepared the syringe for me, i mentioned a dream from over ten years ago, that depicted a mass in this same location. in the dream a felt a deep need to manually express the contents and all this old blood and pus came out. i didn't elaborate on the rich psychological associations this dream brings up that are especially germaine to me at the moment, i just left it as a curiosity. he inserted the syringe and began to aspirate the mass. i couldn't see the syringe myself but i did note that he moved his insertion point a few times as if not getting into the lumen he imagined was there. he abruptly ended his efforts and showed me the vial which was a quarter full of blood. he explained that this could just be a result of a highly nodular cyst, that he might have been repeatedly hitting the structure of it, but i could tell he was somewhat shaken, either by the synchrony of my dream or the reversal of his clinical expectations.

we scheduled an ultrasound but not a mamogram, as an ultrasound will be able to tell us conclusively whether it is a cyst or not. the results of the procedure, which i underwent yesterday, will be known in full next week. at minimum, i know from the sonographer that its definitely not a simple cyst, but in fact a complex mass with its own vascular supply.

in this period of preemptive mastectomies and killer chemo and radiation protocols, i feel i've been gifted by my body with a wonderful opportunity. on the one had, it's having a conversation with me about the deeper issues in my life that need attention and transformation. on the other, i've been blessed with a keen intuition that started me on the path of healing before the mass in my breast presented itself. frankly, i'm excited to use my own situation as a living laboratory where i can apply the holistic insight and commitment to natural medicines that means so much to me.

until next week when i will receive more information i've adjusted my diet to a strict ketogenic one which emphasizes greens and organic proteins alongside green juicing and a rigorous practice of hot yoga. i'm hydrating with liters of pau d'arco and chaga tea, taking maca to normalize my hormones and keep my energy and stamina up, and supplementing my vitamin C and D, but otherwise keeping things pretty simple. the ketogenic diet with soon start to deprive the cell mass of its glucose needs and unlike healthy cells which can switch to fat supplies for sustenance, apoptosis will dominate and i expect the mass to slowly reduce in size.

as finances are an issue, not only for me but for so many people, i won't have recourse to other practitioners and so will have to develop a strong self-reliance and an ability to be resourceful and positive with the tools i have. luckily, since i quit drinking a few months ago i've been feeling healthier and stronger than ever. this foundation will serve me well in the coming months as i embrace this opportunity to heal this unitary bodymind i currently call home... as i have always felt, the physical organism that we are is not an enemy who attacks us unexpectedly... it's a creative, constructive phenomenon which, when worked _with_ instead of worked _against_, presents unlimited potential for evolution and transformation.

since sharing and narrating is an important part of the healing process, i'll be journalling my experiences and how i'm managing my care on this blog...

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