eating the poison snake...

my doctor called me early this morning to confirm what i suspected, that i have a cancerous tumour surrounded by cystic structures, which explains why it presented so strongly as a cyst in the very beginning. i will be on a fast track to an oncologist at princess margaret hospital where arrangements will be made for a lumpectomy. i reported to my doctor that he should not be surprised to hear that i will refuse chemo and radiation. he said that often, particularly in cases where the cancer has not spread, or metastasized, to other parts of the body, a lumpectomy is often successful treatment on its own.

the wonder of all this is that, for someone with cancer, i'm doing very well, feeling good, and carrying forward with a strong positive attitude, even in the face of the inconvertibility of this diagnosis. part of me would like to avoid the lumpectomy and work with the mass in order to gauge the effectiveness of the ketogenic diet, but given the aggressive growth of tumour and the additional complexities involved once a cancer has spread to other organs, i think it will be a sufficient challenge to use the ketogenic diet and the other protocols to prevent the spread or recurrence of the 'disease...'

if the cancer has already invaded other organ systems, i will still have an opportunity to defy the odds with holistic methods as there is ample evidence, anecdotally and clinically, of people healing this condition with true hippocratic strategies even in even late and so-called 'hopeless' stages of the illness.

last night i dreamt that i had a few cats and one of them caught a small and thin black snake that looked almost to be made of crude oil tar. we knew it was poisonous. the cat, which reminded me of a runt cat i once made a home for called pushkin, pounced on the tiny snake and promptly ate it. the dreamer told me that it did this to protect the other cats. i nuzzled with it for a few seconds and could feel the poison pulsing through its nervous system. then it got up and walked away from me as cats do when its time for their passing.

i've been aware for some time now that the part of me that has been stunted and handicapped by my early life needs to be laid to rest so that i can start a new, more effective chapter. this presentation of cancer is a magical opportunity for me to do just that.

all medicine people go through an ordeal, a dark night of the soul, an encounter with death and risk. it ends up being the cornerstone experience that teaches us about human potential, sparks our regenerative powers and compassionate awareness of others. i embrace this cancer for the teaching and transformation it promises and feel newly committed to midwifing my talents, mind and ingenuity not only for my own benefit, but in order to make the contribution to culture and community that so satisfies our human instinct of connection and evolution.

AMOR FATI