a love note from a friend...

Chaplin: “As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!”
― Charles Chaplin

back in the saddle again...

my energy continues to come back, the tumour continues to grow, albeit not at all at the same pace of a few weeks ago. the lung symptoms have abated as i've focused more and more on pranayam and psycho-neuro-immunological techniques designed to protect my core... metastases are driven by what candace pert called the molecules of emotion, not mere biochemic syzygies. thusly, i've partnered with my body to draw a line in the sand, which, in turn, has led to new and interesting encounters with people. i can speak my mind without anxiety or neuroticisms. it no longer feels safe to mask my reactions or hide my true feelings and so even tho it feels somewhat alien at times, i keep sticking more toes out from behind the curtain so to speak. if it doesn't come out right because i'm not used to being direct or forward or punchy, that's okay. i've thrown out all the score cards, adjudication sheets and tests. i'm only interested in experience and having a good time of it all, no matter the speed bumps or sink holes along the way.


to note, i'm still taking curcumin, B17, B15, selenium, magnesium malate, D3, glutathione, L-cysteine, alpha lipoic acid, and a liver support... my vicosan (mistletoe) injections arrived from germany, we started them monday and they increase in potency every day... its three weeks of daily vials. i'm also taking little shots of chaga powder mixed with water and lipospheric vitamin c (it reduces the molecular weight of the chaga water, making it more bioavailable - thanks Truth Calkins) to increase my natural killer cells.... then i'm still doing oxygen therapy, infared, the daily IVs, the zapping, the magnet therapy and the ketogenic diet.... this is such an aggressive cancer, a slower acting one would never ever survive the onslaught of all this!

work at the level of spirit and soul is where i'm spending most of my time. there's no pill, supplement, diet, treatment, or protocol to carry the day, i now understand that, and its thrilling and terrifying only because there's no particular manual for how to do this..... so i decided, that's great actually! i can't cock it up or ruin it since i'm writing a novel reply to a problem never faced before! even better, i can _choose_ to make it fun and rewarding and exciting because it can be so why suffer?  now i relax, i balance doing my research and homework with learning to ask the body to talk by learning how to play with life again, using the irrational senses, letting intuition lead, not trying to get what needs to be done each day perfect, just completely done with my full presence and heartopen attitude...

and finally, wow, exciting exciting day! not only is it the start of the 10 day Cure to Cancer Summit which i'll be listening to online, thanks to a tip in Suzanne Somers' KNOCKOUT and our poor, groaning credit card, i'll be getting some macrovision oversight and counsel about the treatment plan i've created for myself from the valiant Burton Goldberg, "Burton Goldberg is the voice of alternative medicine and has traveled the world in search of the top therapies and treatments available from the fields of natural healthcare and alternative, integrative, and conventional medicine...." from what i can tell, there aren't many women with TNBC willing to pioneer a completely holistic strategy so i'm looking forward to corresponding, learning and refining not just my ableness to manage this cancer, but maybe luck will have it that i'll pick up some cues from Mr. Goldberg about how to establish and protect people's freedom of access and choice in care right here in Canada...

new German medicine...

"We're only as sick as our secrets." [Hamer]

hamer...

all last week i was struggling with much pain, getting weaker and weaker while the cancer grows stronger and spreads. yet, as i found out yesterday afternoon, my blood work is near perfect, save for a couple liver enzymes. even my cancer markers are low.

my body doesn't have cancer. the emotional reality i constructed from the crumbs i thought i deserved does....

"A little knowledge that acts is worth infinitely more than much knowledge that is idle."

-- Khalil Gibran

Twenty years ago, Dr. Ryke Geerd Hamer, a German doctor with his own practice in Rome, Italy, received a call in the middle of the night. His 17-year old son had been shot while on holiday in the Mediterranean. Three months later, Dirk died and shortly after, Dr. Hamer, who had been healthy all his life, but who was utterly devastated by this catastrophe, found he had testicular cancer. Rather suspicious about this coincidence, he set about doing research on the personal histories of cancer patients to see whether they had suffered some shock, distress or trauma before their illness.

In time, after extensive research of thousands of patients, Dr. Hamer was finally able to conclude that disease is only brought about by a shock for which we are totally unprepared. This last point is very important. If we can in any way be prepared for the shocking event, we will not become ill. In fact, Dr. Hamer does not like to say ‘cancer’. Rather, it is a special biological response to an unusual situation, and when the ‘shock’ situation is resolved, the body sets about returning to normality....

Read more.... http://www.newmedicine.ca/breast.php

"There is no cancer that has not been survived by someone, regardless of how advanced it was. If even one person has succeeded in healing his cancer, there must be a mechanism for it, just as there is a mechanism for creating cancer. [Andreas Moritz]

upping the game...

upping the game is something i can never rest from doing nor take for granted, certainly not while i'm still racing to catch this thing. tomorrow i add in a homeopathic protocol (ramakrishnan) that will see me energetically plussing a remedy on a daily basis for 2 months, alternating each week between my constitutional of the moment, and a nosode... i'll also be taking Toxina de Alacran, a scorpion remedy coming out of a veritable homeopathic renaissance happening in cuba... i've started mixing chaga powder in water with lypospheric vitamin c and drinking that a couple times a day, having heard it will raise my natural killer cells by 300-400% in just one week... and finally, after two months of hunting, frustration and often muddling confusion, i found a qualified practitioner who will give me the intensive daily IV treatments and injections that i've been waiting for and in a manner individualized to my blood panels, not just shots in the dark.

i'll be on daily drips starting monday for a couple months at least... this is the begin of another rally, another big push. i've regained enough strength to be ready and primed for it... onwards!

not so fast, mourners....

I got so much bad advice this week, its been a fun job navigating and having the courage of my convictions.... the tumour is not my litmus, my recovery of health is. three months with cancer and I have never felt better in my life! and one more thing, if you don't have love and positivity to share just now, i understand... just please leave me in peace while I'm busy doing what so many say can't be done... onwards!!!

self portrait 5 september 2013, TNBC metastatic, terminal diagnosis, pffft!