back in the saddle again...

my energy continues to come back, the tumour continues to grow, albeit not at all at the same pace of a few weeks ago. the lung symptoms have abated as i've focused more and more on pranayam and psycho-neuro-immunological techniques designed to protect my core... metastases are driven by what candace pert called the molecules of emotion, not mere biochemic syzygies. thusly, i've partnered with my body to draw a line in the sand, which, in turn, has led to new and interesting encounters with people. i can speak my mind without anxiety or neuroticisms. it no longer feels safe to mask my reactions or hide my true feelings and so even tho it feels somewhat alien at times, i keep sticking more toes out from behind the curtain so to speak. if it doesn't come out right because i'm not used to being direct or forward or punchy, that's okay. i've thrown out all the score cards, adjudication sheets and tests. i'm only interested in experience and having a good time of it all, no matter the speed bumps or sink holes along the way.


to note, i'm still taking curcumin, B17, B15, selenium, magnesium malate, D3, glutathione, L-cysteine, alpha lipoic acid, and a liver support... my vicosan (mistletoe) injections arrived from germany, we started them monday and they increase in potency every day... its three weeks of daily vials. i'm also taking little shots of chaga powder mixed with water and lipospheric vitamin c (it reduces the molecular weight of the chaga water, making it more bioavailable - thanks Truth Calkins) to increase my natural killer cells.... then i'm still doing oxygen therapy, infared, the daily IVs, the zapping, the magnet therapy and the ketogenic diet.... this is such an aggressive cancer, a slower acting one would never ever survive the onslaught of all this!

work at the level of spirit and soul is where i'm spending most of my time. there's no pill, supplement, diet, treatment, or protocol to carry the day, i now understand that, and its thrilling and terrifying only because there's no particular manual for how to do this..... so i decided, that's great actually! i can't cock it up or ruin it since i'm writing a novel reply to a problem never faced before! even better, i can _choose_ to make it fun and rewarding and exciting because it can be so why suffer?  now i relax, i balance doing my research and homework with learning to ask the body to talk by learning how to play with life again, using the irrational senses, letting intuition lead, not trying to get what needs to be done each day perfect, just completely done with my full presence and heartopen attitude...

and finally, wow, exciting exciting day! not only is it the start of the 10 day Cure to Cancer Summit which i'll be listening to online, thanks to a tip in Suzanne Somers' KNOCKOUT and our poor, groaning credit card, i'll be getting some macrovision oversight and counsel about the treatment plan i've created for myself from the valiant Burton Goldberg, "Burton Goldberg is the voice of alternative medicine and has traveled the world in search of the top therapies and treatments available from the fields of natural healthcare and alternative, integrative, and conventional medicine...." from what i can tell, there aren't many women with TNBC willing to pioneer a completely holistic strategy so i'm looking forward to corresponding, learning and refining not just my ableness to manage this cancer, but maybe luck will have it that i'll pick up some cues from Mr. Goldberg about how to establish and protect people's freedom of access and choice in care right here in Canada...