the great thing about having a palpable tumour, if i can use such a turn of phrase, is the immediate biofeedback. by this mechanism i've learned what holds it steady and what can spurt it into a period of uncontrollable growth that takes me days to curb. at this point, steady state is my golden mean, mistakes cost me dearly. like a few days ago i was feeling better and better and thought of how much more i could do with a little more food in my system. i added a single egg to my plate for three days before i realized i'd fed a growth spurt. i took a probiotic just to test my reactivity to dairy protein last night, and fed a growth spurt.
yes. this teacher who took up shop so intimately inside of me is a strict task master on a do-it-or-die mission. if i don't unlock the code in time, it will get the upper hand and destroy me. but, and this is what's so fucking tantalizing, if i unlock the code, i'll be able to deliver not just myself, but new knowledge...!
in this adventure there are times when its like being pulled along by wild horses, trying to find the calm in the heart of the storm that brings things to heel. these next few days are exactly such a time.
i'll be taking another round of measures that tend towards some unpleasantries to be borne, but i'm also dancing like nobody's looking for the first time in my life. onwards!
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
an august sunny muggy day...
when i left trisha's this morning i decided to walk the annex, see how long i could manage on my feet... not only did i last six hours in the heat (!!), the two times i needed a rest a bench would magically appear or someone would get up on the bus. no suffering...! not only that, the tumour stopped growing three days ago and my pain is reduced... onwards!
Monday, August 26, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
why hyperbaric oxygen?
Most people who die of cancer die from the metastatic process, rather than from the tumor itself. There's really no treatment or cure for metastatic cancer. Dr. D'Agostino's team has demonstrated that the ketogenic diet by itself can extend survival in animal models of metastatic cancer, but when it's combined with hyperbaric oxygen therapy three times per week, there is an additive effect2.
Read more here... http://bit.ly/19R0TCA
"You get a significant reduction in tumor growth, decrease in tumor size, and significant extension of life when the therapeutic ketosis achieved through the ketogenic diet is combined with hyperbaric oxygen," he says.
"Tumors thrive in a low-oxygen environment. As a tumor grows, it exceeds its ability to supply oxygen to the center of the tumor. That low level of oxygen, called hypoxia, further activates the oncogenes; cancer promoting genes. It activates things like HIF-1-alpha and VEGF. IGF-1 signaling goes up. Hyperbaric oxygen can reverse tumor hypoxia intermittently. In doing that, it can actually turn off the oncogenes. There are published reports on this.
... [T]he tumor thrives in a low-oxygen environment, and it's adapted to that low-oxygen environment. When you saturate a tumor with oxygen, because the mitochondria are damaged, it overproduces oxygen free radicals in the form of superoxide anion. This oxygen-induced increase in free radicals can actually cause the tumor to kill itself."
Read more here... http://bit.ly/19R0TCA
Abstract
Introduction
Abnormal cancer metabolism creates a glycolytic-dependency which can be exploited by lowering glucose availability to the tumor. The ketogenic diet (KD) is a low carbohydrate, high fat diet which decreases blood glucose and elevates blood ketones and has been shown to slow cancer progression in animals and humans. Abnormal tumor vasculature creates hypoxic pockets which promote cancer progression and further increase the glycolytic-dependency of cancers. Hyperbaric oxygen therapy (HBO2T) saturates tumors with oxygen, reversing the cancer promoting effects of tumor hypoxia. Since these non-toxic therapies exploit overlapping metabolic deficiencies of cancer, we tested their combined effects on cancer progression in a natural model of metastatic disease.
Methods
We used the firefly luciferase-tagged VM-M3 mouse model of metastatic cancer to compare tumor progression and survival in mice fed standard or KD ad libitum with or without HBO2T (2.5 ATM absolute, 90 min, 3x/week). Tumor growth was monitored by in vivo bioluminescent imaging.
Results
KD alone significantly decreased blood glucose, slowed tumor growth, and increased mean survival time by 56.7% in mice with systemic metastatic cancer. While HBO2T alone did not influence cancer progression, combining the KD with HBO2T elicited a significant decrease in blood glucose, tumor growth rate, and 77.9% increase in mean survival time compared to controls.
Conclusions
KD and HBO2T produce significant anti-cancer effects when combined in a natural model of systemic metastatic cancer. Our evidence suggests that these therapies should be further investigated as potential non-toxic treatments or adjuvant therapies to standard care for patients with systemic metastatic disease.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
test results...
while i've written elsewhere why i don't subscribe to a gene-based view of cancer but prefer a metabolic/emotional one, i did consent to having my genes tested as part of a new program at the hospital. the result are in and i don't have the damaged BRCA1/2 genes, which means that even from a medical point of view, this cancer is not genetically driven (which they expected it to be), but a product of context... the perfect storm i contributed to these last twenty years which produced this singular, life-altering event.
this means, in short, i have no greater risk of developing a cancer than the average person and if i can beat this first effulgence of my frustrated body energies, there's no reason to think i'm at risk for subsequent cancers. they said it, not me.
onwards!
this means, in short, i have no greater risk of developing a cancer than the average person and if i can beat this first effulgence of my frustrated body energies, there's no reason to think i'm at risk for subsequent cancers. they said it, not me.
onwards!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
side effects...
first i must report the extent to which i seem to be in holy flow. i can't enter traffic without it turning into stressless courtesy everywhere i look. parking spots magically appear, i'm running into people in dramatic, synchronous ways, everything feels so soft, and open, and warm. information and tools find me right at the last minute every time.... and they keep finding me, even when i don't know enough to know i'm woefully misinformed, doing the wrong thing, or not doing what needs done. that's a big one.
but here is the second whammy thing. i knew going into the start of the oxygen treatment that one of the reasons clinics like this exist and can thrive even at current prohibitive prices is that they're rapidly gaining renown as a very effective treatment for autism spectrum disorders. i'm an aspy and i can report after just three sessions some very dramatic changes i would never have expected.
i'm no longer as scattered mentally as i usually am. i seem to have inherited a sudden dose of social intelligence. i don't interrupt people and talk a blue streak but rather give and take in conversation, in fact, i can really hear what people are saying to me. its as if inside my head there's a new space that wasn't there before that allows me to relax when people speak. i'm not shuttling between their words and my own inner ticker tape. in fact i can see myself and my circumstances from the outside looking in, in a way i never experienced before and its acting as a natural inhibitor of these problematic patterns of behaviour (which i never really recognized as such). i don't get as lost in circuitous overprocessed inner conversation. i can speak more simply and say what i really feel without any hangups.
what's more, i suddenly can't stand to do what i've done for almost twenty years. content to hide from life and either loose myself in my mind and its books or fritter away my talents at a desk out of the game's circulation, taunting life with what i _could_ do if only....
now that i have to leave base camp to head to the north of the city for my HBOT every day i have a launching pad that i've started using to return myself to social life, to effort to see the people who i love and appreciate and who love and support me and make me feel good, to do the things that put me in new situations around new people so that i can improve my ability to interact with others. i was always good at making friends, but i lost most of them to neglect and just always never coming when called. i suddenly can no longer keep doing this.
in this way and by these strange means, i'm just letting myself become a bumble bee, moving from honey pot to honey pot wherever i go.... like woody allen said, 70% of success in life is showing up. suddenly i'm showing up. people are getting phone calls from me. i'm actually answering the phone. people are getting visits from me and during them i'm not screwing things up so much by anxiously projecting myself forward or getting bogged down, endlessly reprocessing hurts from the past. stupid things that are true but not best to voice don't fly out my mouth. that is a HUGE one that has led to so much unnecessary social tension. what i don't understand is that these seem to all be judgment issues, so why would oxygen lend me better social awareness, listening skills, and judgement? its not. its resolving the aspy adaptive habits i built over the years that have come to represent the peanut gallery within me that has made finding happiness and healing such a challenge.
onwards!
but here is the second whammy thing. i knew going into the start of the oxygen treatment that one of the reasons clinics like this exist and can thrive even at current prohibitive prices is that they're rapidly gaining renown as a very effective treatment for autism spectrum disorders. i'm an aspy and i can report after just three sessions some very dramatic changes i would never have expected.
i'm no longer as scattered mentally as i usually am. i seem to have inherited a sudden dose of social intelligence. i don't interrupt people and talk a blue streak but rather give and take in conversation, in fact, i can really hear what people are saying to me. its as if inside my head there's a new space that wasn't there before that allows me to relax when people speak. i'm not shuttling between their words and my own inner ticker tape. in fact i can see myself and my circumstances from the outside looking in, in a way i never experienced before and its acting as a natural inhibitor of these problematic patterns of behaviour (which i never really recognized as such). i don't get as lost in circuitous overprocessed inner conversation. i can speak more simply and say what i really feel without any hangups.
what's more, i suddenly can't stand to do what i've done for almost twenty years. content to hide from life and either loose myself in my mind and its books or fritter away my talents at a desk out of the game's circulation, taunting life with what i _could_ do if only....
now that i have to leave base camp to head to the north of the city for my HBOT every day i have a launching pad that i've started using to return myself to social life, to effort to see the people who i love and appreciate and who love and support me and make me feel good, to do the things that put me in new situations around new people so that i can improve my ability to interact with others. i was always good at making friends, but i lost most of them to neglect and just always never coming when called. i suddenly can no longer keep doing this.
in this way and by these strange means, i'm just letting myself become a bumble bee, moving from honey pot to honey pot wherever i go.... like woody allen said, 70% of success in life is showing up. suddenly i'm showing up. people are getting phone calls from me. i'm actually answering the phone. people are getting visits from me and during them i'm not screwing things up so much by anxiously projecting myself forward or getting bogged down, endlessly reprocessing hurts from the past. stupid things that are true but not best to voice don't fly out my mouth. that is a HUGE one that has led to so much unnecessary social tension. what i don't understand is that these seem to all be judgment issues, so why would oxygen lend me better social awareness, listening skills, and judgement? its not. its resolving the aspy adaptive habits i built over the years that have come to represent the peanut gallery within me that has made finding happiness and healing such a challenge.
onwards!
HBOT update...
i didn't sleep at all after the first treatment, i was coasting on an astonishing energy for two days and well into last night as well. the tumour, however, keeps swelling.* after the second treatment i felt my first reduction in pain and actually slept without tossing and turning for the first time in weeks. when i woke up this morning it was softer and had been subtly reducing overnight (easily adduced as the tumour has only been in reduction phase twice and the feeling is unmistakable), but as soon as i got mobile it started increasing again. its almost taken the breast over and now encroaches the thorax in all directions. yes. aggressive is the word. but the key thing is, i'm overall feeling better, stronger, and more grounded. its interesting that i'm receiving a treatment for cancer that is used to treat autism spectrum disorders (i'm an aspy). i'm noting already some changes and profiting from them greatly.
so. i'm keeping to the parts of the program that seem to help and focused on my goal. when changes become necessary i'm doing my best, some of the changes are intimidating, yet i feel right now that anything is possible, that i'm completely equipped and capable of making something out of this that can honour what i've learned, and get it into play and distribution finally.
its always nice to add to a body of human culture, but i long to touch people's hearts somehow. man is a wolf to man, the roman catallus wrote. the things we do to each other are barbaric and persistently so, but we're only ever one spark leaping across a synapse away from more ennobled understandings and the ableness to embrace dynamic natural laws.
i'm walking a tightrope for the next few weeks. i know in my condition it only takes a couple bad turns to find oneself in a pickle so i'm motivated to get back to work. its important i keep two books, as they say. one that acknowledges the mortality play at work, and one that believes in magic.
onwards!
*its important to note, in presence of conditions leading to the neutralization of disease, symptoms will aggravate or appear to worsen before rapid improvement sets in. it's always darkest before the dawn.
so. i'm keeping to the parts of the program that seem to help and focused on my goal. when changes become necessary i'm doing my best, some of the changes are intimidating, yet i feel right now that anything is possible, that i'm completely equipped and capable of making something out of this that can honour what i've learned, and get it into play and distribution finally.
its always nice to add to a body of human culture, but i long to touch people's hearts somehow. man is a wolf to man, the roman catallus wrote. the things we do to each other are barbaric and persistently so, but we're only ever one spark leaping across a synapse away from more ennobled understandings and the ableness to embrace dynamic natural laws.
i'm walking a tightrope for the next few weeks. i know in my condition it only takes a couple bad turns to find oneself in a pickle so i'm motivated to get back to work. its important i keep two books, as they say. one that acknowledges the mortality play at work, and one that believes in magic.
onwards!
*its important to note, in presence of conditions leading to the neutralization of disease, symptoms will aggravate or appear to worsen before rapid improvement sets in. it's always darkest before the dawn.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
correspondences...
interesting as HBOT comes into my world: part of the arrangement in tonight's blue moon finds the moon's north node on scorpio 11... the sabian symbol for which reads,
"A Drowning Man Is Being Rescued...."
Keywords: Resuscitation. Regaining one’s breath. Finding life renewed. Asthma, bronchitis, breathing difficulties. Finding help in moments of crisis. Needing a hand. Being rescued. Salvation on any level. Ventilators. Breathing equipment. Oxygen. Dependence. Last minute reprieves. [Lynda Hill]
"A Drowning Man Is Being Rescued...."
Keywords: Resuscitation. Regaining one’s breath. Finding life renewed. Asthma, bronchitis, breathing difficulties. Finding help in moments of crisis. Needing a hand. Being rescued. Salvation on any level. Ventilators. Breathing equipment. Oxygen. Dependence. Last minute reprieves. [Lynda Hill]
Monday, August 19, 2013
full moon contact high...
when i treat cancer like a foe, it defeats me, but when i work with it as coach, advisor, psychologist, and beloved, it helps me move in the direction of healing, at once unfurling and letting go, unfurling and letting go....
as far as i can tell it wants to tell me a story that will lead me out of the swampy wood and into the sunshine. i've recently taken up dictation.
as far as i can tell it wants to tell me a story that will lead me out of the swampy wood and into the sunshine. i've recently taken up dictation.
lazarus moment...
it took some doing but i managed to put together the financing for hyberbaric oxygen and ozone treatment. i started the HBOT today and it really is no exaggeration to call it the kiss of life.
it would be too tedious _just_ at the moment to start detailing the many things i'm doing right now to neutralize this cancer, suffice it to say wherever i go and whomever i speak with, i'm getting straight As for the comprehensiveness of my protocol, my hustle, multi-tasking, and spunk. ironically, the two words i've heard most these last three days are, 'glowing,' 'radiant...' it seems cancer agrees with me! perhaps that's why the tumour is so reluctant to let me go.
in the meantime it keeps playing its dramatic moves (they don't call TNBC 'aggressive' for no reason, i discovered...) and i keep countering with mine. i can't go into the details, but suffice to say i'm changing so completely, tuning in so exquisitely to the ecstatic channels of life, i barely recognize myself... and the more decisions i make guided by what is true for me (instead of contorting myself to comply to what is false for me)... by feeling in the dark for my womanness, by grounding in the limitless potential of each NEW moment, the more unpredictable and exciting life becomes. aho!
there are no ultimate securities, i've always known that. so why build a life around playacting a collective denial of this truth when there is such a more vital and beautiful world to uncover leaning into uncertainty and change.... and the impossible!
ONWARDS!
it would be too tedious _just_ at the moment to start detailing the many things i'm doing right now to neutralize this cancer, suffice it to say wherever i go and whomever i speak with, i'm getting straight As for the comprehensiveness of my protocol, my hustle, multi-tasking, and spunk. ironically, the two words i've heard most these last three days are, 'glowing,' 'radiant...' it seems cancer agrees with me! perhaps that's why the tumour is so reluctant to let me go.
in the meantime it keeps playing its dramatic moves (they don't call TNBC 'aggressive' for no reason, i discovered...) and i keep countering with mine. i can't go into the details, but suffice to say i'm changing so completely, tuning in so exquisitely to the ecstatic channels of life, i barely recognize myself... and the more decisions i make guided by what is true for me (instead of contorting myself to comply to what is false for me)... by feeling in the dark for my womanness, by grounding in the limitless potential of each NEW moment, the more unpredictable and exciting life becomes. aho!
there are no ultimate securities, i've always known that. so why build a life around playacting a collective denial of this truth when there is such a more vital and beautiful world to uncover leaning into uncertainty and change.... and the impossible!
ONWARDS!
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