i didn't sleep at all after the first treatment, i was coasting on an astonishing energy for two days and well into last night as well. the tumour, however, keeps swelling.* after the second treatment i felt my first reduction in pain and actually slept without tossing and turning for the first time in weeks. when i woke up this morning it was softer and had been subtly reducing overnight (easily adduced as the tumour has only been in reduction phase twice and the feeling is unmistakable), but as soon as i got mobile it started increasing again. its almost taken the breast over and now encroaches the thorax in all directions. yes. aggressive is the word. but the key thing is, i'm overall feeling better, stronger, and more grounded. its interesting that i'm receiving a treatment for cancer that is used to treat autism spectrum disorders (i'm an aspy). i'm noting already some changes and profiting from them greatly.
so. i'm keeping to the parts of the program that seem to help and focused on my goal. when changes become necessary i'm doing my best, some of the changes are intimidating, yet i feel right now that anything is possible, that i'm completely equipped and capable of making something out of this that can honour what i've learned, and get it into play and distribution finally.
its always nice to add to a body of human culture, but i long to touch people's hearts somehow. man is a wolf to man, the roman catallus wrote. the things we do to each other are barbaric and persistently so, but we're only ever one spark leaping across a synapse away from more ennobled understandings and the ableness to embrace dynamic natural laws.
i'm walking a tightrope for the next few weeks. i know in my condition it only takes a couple bad turns to find oneself in a pickle so i'm motivated to get back to work. its important i keep two books, as they say. one that acknowledges the mortality play at work, and one that believes in magic.
onwards!
*its important to note, in presence of conditions leading to the neutralization of disease, symptoms will aggravate or appear to worsen before rapid improvement sets in. it's always darkest before the dawn.
No comments:
Post a Comment