had no trouble with my cocktail bag today, having pulled it back just a touch to 125g vitaminC, which is where we will stay through to end of next week. i broke with my strict vegan diet as green team was worried i was wasting away and loosing muscle mass no matter how much hemp hearts i was eating. i ate a little organic chicken last night and again today and it perked me up sufficient that i could do some yoga for the first time in two months! perked me up sufficient to not be thrown when family made move to suggest they're having second thoughts putting my mother's money towards my treatment (notwithstanding the news that its working) when i could get chemotherapy for free.
so, learned today how to _really_ roll with the stabs to the heart. and this is what i decided. if nature wants my uniqueness in play on earth, my quest for healing will be met with just what i need when i need it. if it doesn't, mother nature will take me out of play by closing doors and foreclosing my choices. either way, i will be playing my part exactly the same. the rest is out of my hands and so not worth compromising my health worrying about a thing.
sure, i could easily see a doomed scenario taking root. its a habit i came by honestly, but it no longer serves to view things this way. i'm getting better, despite the odds. i believe i'm through the worst of it and that no matter what comes, i can cope, i can survive, all because i've found the power of facing.