Tuesday, October 22, 2013

in the interest of science...

I must report a relapse in the primary and secondary tumours that happened in the last four days... up until tonight it was somewhat concerning, simply because I wasn't (sic) was unclear as to what caused it and since for all intents and purposes it was almost a wipeout of the progress made, you can imagine I felt some distress.

I decided to take a week off of the mistletoe injections so that I could participate in a shamanic plant medicine retreat last weekend which requires an absence of tyrosine in the system. This factor alongside other stressors and three days without sleep depleted me more than I was expecting, but the risk I took I feel was well worth it.

On Monday I developed a bronchitis and sinus infection which had been threatening to visit me for over a week. Green team was concerned my cough was an indicator of metastatic action, but when I tried to dive at the hyperbaric clinic I had to abandon the session because my eustachians wouldn't pop and depressurize... this gave me the confidence of knowing it was a head and chest cold getting it on, not the start of lung cancer. I chose not suppress it as the work I did on the weekend took me many steps forward in my search for forgiveness of self and others... when you release grief, the lungs will move towards spontaneous healing. Today the cough continued but as soon as I got my first round of iscador in the IV bag and then as an injection, it began to resolve and now its but a faint and periodic cough, productive and no longer dry, and what's more important, everywhere I've had regrowth and even new growth of the tumour, I now have that same itchy sensation I remember so well when the tumour started to regress and shrink.

Green team has agreed to my request that we forgo the usual schedule of injections and ramp up to a double every day. I know from past experience that it could make me feel, well, poorly, but it was after I had a few rough days with the injections that I saw my greatest leaps forward with regular night sweats and melting tumours. What the body can do, it can undo. What the body can undo once, it can undo as many times as it takes.

Many new and wonderful people have been brought into my life in the last couple weeks as a result of this adventure. Through ceremony I found a group of peers seeking healing and transformation that I will be able to revisit as I need to, people I really, really connected with... I've always avoided groups and congregations of any kind on account of ingrained negative memories so to have a positive experience was shattering to me in the best possible way... I was so moved by their sharing and touched by their effortless acceptance of me exactly as I am. I've also met many elders of late who I adore to simply listen to. Things of a new nature are knitting into shape so gently and effortlessly, I've at last been able to relax into the present as a means of transforming it into the life of service and happiness I seek.

The other detail that gave me confidence to not despair (except for when the tumour seemed to double overnight, freaking me out for a few hours) was a dream I had the first night after the plant medicine ceremony... I was looking at an MRI of my tumour and was told not to worry, it was just changing shape, not getting bigger, they said... I've learned to trust my dreams.

Also happy to report I've been getting stronger, energy wise, especially when I finally decided to go back to spirulina in megadoses... I effort to take 30-60 1gram tablets a day and its working marvelously for me. I'm still hovering around skeletal weight but feel I need to stay here until its time to rebuild a healthy, cancer-free body.

Since I feel its SO important to keep throwing new things into the mix whenever you're dealing with an aggressively adaptive cancer, I'm adding this week, modified citrus pectin (interferes with the adhesive factor which cancer cells rely on in order to form metastatic tumours, thereby offering extra protection against spread); and potentized green tea extract (which is anti-angiogenic.... makes it more difficult for new blood vessels to form and grow in service of the tumour)... and once I can find it, some DHEA cream to cut off energy pathways to cancer cells, causing them to die faster.

This is the most energy I've had in a week and I'm loving it.

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