last night was a lovely experience of flow... i left the studio in time to hit the corner just as a streetcar was pulling up and there was a seat waiting for me by an open window. i arrived down the street from the hospital with enough time to walk the rest of the way and get to reception and be informed i'd been directed to the wrong hospital and still have exactly enough time to get to where i was going so as to arrive on the dot of my appointment... a stranger held an elevator for me and sparkled friendliness at me, and on the floor where the imaging department was located another stranger like an angel approached me as i scoped around for directions and asked, MRI? i smiled and said yes and he pointed the circuitous way sparing me any stress.
they hooked me up to a drip and took me into the room where they had me lay on my belly. they warned me the machine is very loud and rumbles and shakes. they put headphones on you and give you a ball to squeeze if there's any problems. the procedure takes 30 minutes and you have to stay still. they pump you full of a contrasting fluid which i asked my body to receive with positive intentions. i was shocked at how loud it was but i quickly treated it like an instrument and in my head started singing with it, chanting sometimes things like, 'this machine is going to help me, this machine is killing cancer, this machine is good for me..' etc. those statements may not be exactly factual but in the moment i believed them and felt that way and that's what was important.
when it was over i was a little woozy on getting up but only for a couple of seconds. then i was back on the subway without any delays or inconveniences, and arrived just in time to take a hot yoga class where i imagined i was doing extra good for myself by giving the injected fluid a means of leaving the body through my sweat. i felt good after the class and feel good today.
the last two or three days i've had a lot of itchiness where the lesion is and i feel like something is definitely happening. in spite of the cancer, every day that i'm on the ketogenic diet and zapping and supplementing i feel and look better and better.
a friend sent me some very good advice that i'm chewing on this morning as i head out next for my bone scan..."I thought about it all and came to the conclusion that you are impatient and fearful and aggressive toward your cancer. It is an enemy. When an army is advancing first you must stop its advance and this takes time and then you must begin to erode its front ranks and so on until it is defeated and flees. Thus patience is needed and panic is an invitation for the enemy to continue to advance. Take an Aconite #2 3 times a day for the fear of death and for the big emotional shift you are going through. Take Coffea #4 whenever as you state in your blog there are so many things to do and to stop some of your mind chatter. Take an Arnica for strength morning noon and night. That is #3. Last take #5 for your feelings of being overwhelmed. Your aggressive mind set is not working for you right now and to reduce this aggression the remedies in the Pocket Pack will definitely help and best to remember the stress formula all the time. Those are my thoughts. Too much analysis of past girding your loins for battle. Let the past be and meditate in the morning on that and when it comes up put it aside as best you can to deal with it in the morning. Many people I am sure care for you as I do and know you can succeed with patience and love. You are a loving person in the present so stay in the present. You are not avoiding your task as you worry but rushing at it will not make it go away faster. Everything has a life of its own."